If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living

Over a year ago I wrote these things that I desired for my life:

I will be girl worth missing- not easy to forget
I will go on long hikes alone
I will finish school with less stress than I have in the past because I have not created the stress for myself
I want to save more diligently for the future
I am going to join Teachers Without Borders
I am going to run more often
I am going to rock climb
I am going to meet more people
I am going to find another fruitful job that I enjoy
I am going to be courageous
I am not going to let people walk all over me and take advantage of my kindness
I am not going to remain in a relationship where I am not appreciated or treated with the same kindness and respect
I am not going to put others' happiness before my own
I am going to spend more time doing things alone and with people I enjoy who share the same zeal for life.


I smile reading this because I have accomplished nearly everything on this list. It's amazing how much changes when you decide that it's time to change something. We have so much power to invite wonderful things into our lives, we just have to believe it, ask for it, and make it happen. I find it interesting that over a year later I've been thinking hard about the new changes I want to make in my life and how overwhelmed I feel about what it's going to take to make it happen. Reading the list of things I wanted to deeply, I become excited and giddy at what I'm going to accomplish this next year. I am beginning to see how much God wants these things for me more than I want them for myself and that it's all right in front of me waiting.

I still desire those things, but now my focus looks a little different.

I am going to change my diet and slowly illiminate the toxins I put into my body
I am going to enjoy and be present through my student teaching
I am going to change the way I think about pain, negativity, and the way I see opportunities
I am going to believe in myself
I am going to be a better friend to those I love
I am going to continue to push myself and meet new people
I am going to spend my free time productively and wisely
I am going to love myself first
I am going to forgive
I am going to heal
I am going to grow
I am going to choose my words intentionally
I am going to say less and listen more
I am going to accept the things I have no control over
I am going to seek with purpose
I am going to feed my soul
I am going to know myself more


Abstract perhaps, but they're the things I desire the most in the moment and I am always one step closer by asking and moving.

The awakening was sweet, the seeking exhilarating. But nothing would be easy.

I can't stop listening to this song. Maybe it's the best reminer I have that the going gets rough.
It's beautiful. All of it.

I am not apologetic
I am not disappointed.

I'm ready. So ready.