A lot of new opportunities and change is just around the corner. I'm not really scared or nervous, I'm more concerned about doing it right and getting everything done. I'm excited more than anything, though. I've been thinking and talking so much about the things I want for myself and it's really exciting to see things fall into place. There are a few uncertainties, but I'm confident that everything will fall into place, it always does.
I have been looking for a place to live for a few weeks and I think I may have found where I'll be living the next 9 months. I met a girl through a mutual friend who is currently living with her fiance and is in need of another roommate. The location is pretty perfect except for the fact that I am going to have to learn to parallel park- I knew this day would eventually come. I haven't been too concerned about how big or nice the place is because I don't think I'll have much time to spend in my place much less sleep. Anyway, I'm supposed to meet the fiance tomorrow evening and then I'll find out if I get the place. I have mixed feelings because I am nervous and it's overwhelming to move AGAIN in such a short period of time. Despite the nervousness, I think about my own space and the way I want MY room and MY space to look. I love spending time with my boyfriend and being comfortable in his home, but I not only need to create my own life in a relationship, I'm just not ready to play the role of a married couple when I'm not married. Maybe it's pride and maybe it's smart, but I know I need to and I want it. This opportunity to live in a new place has me daydreaming of what things will be like in a few months from now and the people I will meet because of where I'm living and I like the feelings I get. If one day my boyfriend and I decide to get married and combine our very separate lives, I have realized how hard something as simple as a living space can me. My boyfriend has lived in HIS house for several years now and much of his decor is remanince of the college party days. That's fine and dandy when you're 21, but at some point you have to let that go. I'm not sure that he's even holding on to all the signs and posters, I just don't think he cares one way or another. I on the other hand become giddy when thinking about decorating a room and bringing in accents to bring out other colors in my sheets. I know, it's silly, but I really enjoy having a living space that has color, life, and character. I believe that your bedroom is a sacred place because you spend a lot of time in that room and the space should be a sanctuary. I'm not a neat freak and I won't pretend to be, but I do find solace in an organized and clean space. I have always loved windows and vacuuming, so it would only make sense I like the sunshine and I like things clean. You don't really think about how important these things are until you're sharing that sanctuary with another person. Is it important enough to end a relationship over the blinds being open or shut? Probably not, but it is something that is important to me.
Not only have I been searching for the right place to live, I've been searching for that right job. And when I say 'right' job, I mean ANY job at this point. I'm fairly confident that I will find one in time, but it is still unnerving thinking about all the bills piling up the longer I go without a job. I was so lucky and blessed to have such a wonderful summer job doing what I love and now I may not have that same privilege throughout the school year. I have sort of let go and forgotten how much I'm not looking forward to working more this semester because I don't have a choice and I HAVE to just get through school and get it done. My schedule is going to be pretty tight thie semester and I know it will be rewarding if I can make it all work. I'll be doing my student teaching/ practicum MWF to get my 90 hours out of the way. On Tuesday and Thursday I will be in class from 8-4:50. Somewhere in between I'd really like to workout, go to yoga, go to RCIA classes, start rock climbing, and make time for my friends and boyfriend. Am have a feeling some things are going to have to give and I'm afraid to take a deep look and find out what it is that would take priority in my extracurricular activities. I'm hoping to find a job that will allow me to work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday and maybe one other night a week. Almost everything in Durango closes by 6 unless you are at Wal-Mart or a bar. I'm not sure I'm desperate enough to work at either. I'm not entirely opposed to working at the pub or one of the other bars, but I'm not sure that would be a good idea with my current schedule. I'm just praying I can find a part time nanny job that would allow for flexibility and I can get some school work done. I just keep thinking how close I am to be being done with school and that's the one thing that keeps me going.
Lately I've been thinking about people I know personally and others I know of and I have this idea of how mature, wise, intelligent, and grown up they are. The funny thing about it is that no matter how old I am, I constantly strive to get to the next point because I don't feel any of those things. I see some of my closest friends living lives that seem so stable and concrete. I don't see myself as immature or unintelligent, I just don't see myself as adult as I had looked ahead years ago. I remember years ago seeing people my age and they seemed so old and mature and here I am at that point and I don't feel like I'm there. Maybe next year?
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